A Two Week Wait Cry for Help

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I KNOW we’re not supposed to test before the Big Beta Day, but I’m human, so I’ve pretty much been testing since 5dp5dt. This lovely shot is of my “first pee in the morning 8dp5dt” test and……nothing. I’m pretty sure I should be at least seeing a very faint line by now. 

What makes things worse, is my husband just left for a week-long business trip in Germany as of Saturday, and won’t be back until Sunday. I feel SO alone right now, and while I know an official Beta test COULD tell a different story, it’s very unlikely it could turn around that much, right?? Who knows if it’s from the progesterone shots or what, but I just broke this morning. The tears were flowing. I want to reach out to my friends who know about this, but it doesn’t feel like I can really talk about it with them. Although they try to be helpful and caring, it’s a lot of “stay positive”, “stress would be the worst thing right now”.

I am spiraling right now… this was “supposed” to work. 75% chance the Doctor said with a 5 day blast. Is there still any hope? It seems like the blogs/forums I’ve now been obsessively peeling through all get at least very faint lines by this day…. 

Ugh. ANY encouragement/advice is welcome. 

6dp5dt

This whole week has been such a crazy time, and it has actually gone by fairly quickly. Of course, each DAY itself seems to drag on, but looking back – I can get through these last 6 days before beta!

I have been impatient, though, and for the last two days have POAS. Why, you ask? WHO KNOWS!? Logically, I know that we wouldn’t  be getting results this early. But there’s something ridiculously driving me toward wanting to know. At the very least, no I know if I POAS closer to beta, it won’t be a false positive from the trigger shot!

I am reading into EVERY potential sign or symptom, or lack thereof. I’ve had zero spotting, so I am nervous that means that there has been a lack of implantation. My boobs are ridiculously sore and heavy feeling, but that really started with the progesterone. I am SO tired, but again – that has really been since progesterone. 

DH leaves tomorrow for an 8 day business trip to Germany, and he won’t be here for the Beta. I have to be extra conscientious this week about staying busy with fun activities and trying to relax until this coming Friday. Let me know if you have any suggestions for passing this time!

Happy Transfer Day!

Well, today we both woke up with a bounce in our step knowing it was transfer day! We got the call a couple of days ago (3 days post retrieval) and got the report that things were going great with the 12 inseminated embryos, and we would be waiting for the 5 day blast to see what the plan was. Transfer time was set for today, Sunday, at 11 am!

For anyone familiar with San Francisco (where we live), today was Bay to Breakers – the biggest party race of the year in the City. So, we figured we’d have to leave a bit early to make the 11 am retrieval. Normally, it takes around a half hour to get from here to the UCSF clinic. Well – since half of SF streets are totally closed, we sat for about half an our in a literal PARKING LOT, and I started to stress the hell out.

New plan! We literally drove east into Oakland, then all the way north to Marin and back down the Golden Gate, since there were no streets closed on the north side of the City. We ended up getting there 5 minutes early!

We learned that we continued to have some good growth, and the since they had an excellent quality embryo they would transfer one today and have at least four to freeze. They are going to continue to monitor the growth of the other 7 to see of any others are freezable. Great news!

The grading confuses me, and I don’t know exactly what it al means, but as of  today:

We retrieved 18 eggs

16 of those eggs were mature

12 of those 16 fertilized

1 fresh transfer today of a 5BA

4 frozen graded 4BB, 4BB, 3BB, and 3 AB

WOW! It’s so crazy that we could be pregnant right now. I know there’s a long road ahead, but I am enjoying this moment today 🙂

 

 

Annnnnnnd…. We Have Embryos!

Yesterday as the afternoon drew on, I tried to keep myself occupied, so I went to the mall to return some items/keep myself occupied. Turns out, I don’t get cell reception in this particular location, so as I briefly sat in my car checking emails after the excursion, I saw that our clinic had been trying to reach me with the fert report! 

I called back and reached the nurse who had contacted me and go our results: 18 eggs retrieved, 16 mature, 12 fertilized! AH!

I know we have a LONG way to go, but we were just SO happy to get these initial results. We’re staying positive, still knowing these next two and half weeks are probably going to feel like ETERNITY! I am so grateful right now, though, for possibilities. 

Egg Retrieval: Well That Wasn’t Too Bad!

So, after nailing down our trigger time on Sunday evening, we were all set for our Tuesday (yesterday) retrieval at 10:15 am!

We arrived 45 minutes early, as instructed, and was brought in early to go into the procedure. I was pretty nervous getting ready and speaking with the anesthesiologist, but everything went so quickly I barely had time to be anxious.

They said I would enter into a twilight-like sleep, but let me tell ya, I was OUT! I came to in recovery and was foggy for about 15 minutes. After that I was pretty alert and awake – I felt like I could have driven myself home (my husband disagreed!). When I got home, I ate lunch and took about a three hour nap. I laid low the rest of the day and slept pretty well last night (despite having to get up to pee like 15 times – what’s up with that?!).

We retrieved 18 eggs, and are awaiting the fertilization report later today. I have no idea how many of those 18 were mature. Since my husband’s sperm quality is the source of our infertility, we’re anxiously awaiting the results of using ICSI for fertilization…. Send us some positive vibes for lots of beautiful/healthy embryos! Thanks so much for your comments and support so far – it helps so much!!

Get Em Out!

Wow. What a past week it has been! So many ups and downs, and I have NO clue whether to blame that rollercoaster on the stims/hormones or just me. 

After the last post where I started to get worried about having “only” 13 follicles, things are looking a bit brighter. As of yesterday, I have 22 with about 14 looking mature. It’s still hard to be so out of control in this whole process, but I am trying my best to just resolve myself to the process and remain positive about the possibilities. I may not have control over what’s happening, but I certainly have control over the way I react to things.

That was a struggle for me to realize this past Saturday night. We went in that morning for my blood draw and U/S. On Thursday, the Doc had predicted that I would trigger the evening, and when we went in for the appointment, the Doc on rounds that day said the same. When we got our call later that afternoon, however, my estradiol was still at only about 1921 (ish?). They wanted to wait one more day to trigger. I was disappointed, as I just wanted to get the show on the road, but fine – okay. I had only packed the trigger meds, so we had to leave a party a bit early. When we got home and I gave myself the shots, I just lost it. There was no reason, per say. I was just feeling done. And tired. And sore. And ridiculously emotional. It just felt like my hormones had taken the reigns and were 100% in control at that point. By morning, I felt lots better. We went in for another Doctor’s appointment Sunday morning and they confirmed triggering last (Sunday) night, with the retrieval scheduled for 10:15 am Tuesday morning! I am READY and excited!!! 

I’ve Got a Case of the Crazies…

I REALLY thought I was immune. Going in to this process, I felt so assured telling friends and family “whatever happens, it is out of my control” and, “our babies will come to us in their time”. 

WOW. This week after getting the lower-than-we-thought follicle count and lower-than-expected estradiol levels I had a mini freak out. As I mentioned in my last post, it’s just SO damn hard having no control of what’s going on. 

And then there’s the questioning. Am I doing too much/too little of <fillintheblank>. Am I eating too much/too little of <fillingtheblank>. It’s exhausting. 

I’m at the point where I am just SO excited to reach the next milestone (retrieval). We go in for our next Doctor’s appt tomorrow (Saturday) morning. I am hopeful for positive news, and a more exact trigger time!